My Big Fall Under the Circus Tent

 

Novelty, Ohio 
November 2026

DISCLAIMER:  Please note that my posts may not be in chronilogical order. 
Often weeks or months fall between the happening of an event and the actual reflection post
allowing it to be a true, reflection of a situation or emotional response..

 I did so well for 5 months, knowing myself, doing my best to offer myself to those who needed a break and their burden lightened.  To walk along and support friends and family who, I thought, needed it.   I helped in some ways and I made things harder in other ways.  I wasn’t able to hold onto my balance of “me”.  The weight was too heavy and the tightrope was threadbare. And when I fell and I fell hard shattering into a million tiny pieces.  I wallowed. I shut down. My husband, adult children and one friend know me well and could see the tightrope snapping one fiber at a time. They offered a lifeline of support through check ins, texts and little messages. And when that final strand broke, tousling me to the ground, they were there with the perfect balance of space, togetherness and provided an escape when I needed it.  To them forever and always - Thank you. I love you.  Sadly, my hard fall occurred over Thanksgiving.  I still have a heavy heart when I think about my holiday guests and how anti-social I was.  They never said anything about it, at least to my face. But I still think about that time of the holidays with regret.  I only took shallow breaths awaiting “the call”. It never came.   It only took a few days to remember who I am and who I want to be. I took a step back and was able to view the multiple situations with more clarity and determined where I was physically needed, where I could offer support and where I was placed on the bench to possibly be called in later in the journey.  Once I accepted these realities life became easier to manage and I was able to walk with both feet on the ground instead walking on a tightrope under the circus tent that had become my life.   

Breathe. Just Breathe.