Legend-ary Trip Cancelled?

In May of 2025, we began dreaming out loud about driving our travel trailer across the country for an “epic” adventure. Bruce and I had talked about visiting Zion and Bryce National Parks for over 20 years, but the vacation time from work, finances or our family schedules never allowed for it. The time had come to cross this off the bucket list, we decided we would go if we had the finances to cover it. On that note, we also agreed that this epic trip would replace any big trip that we would take in 2006. We looked deeply at our finances, the time Bruce would have to close the business which meant no income, how much we had saved, and how much we could really afford for this trip. The magic number was $4,000 and we had the finances in place by October and I was given the go ahead to start making reservations. I thought that planning the financial budget was a lot of work. It was only the beginning. Now was time to plan a route, find a place to set up the trailer each night so that I could make reservations 6 months ahead (the end of November and month of December) for the National Park lodgings. 

 My planning for this epic trip ran parallel with my sister, Shawn's, diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in July and my mom's failing health that resulted in a lengthy hospital stay 2 weeks later that resulted in her nursing facility placement and eventual hospice care. Bruce and I discussed postponing the trip for a year or two, but after our experience of ever-changing life situations since 2022, we decided to move forward. At some point in 2023, when we were looking back at my health set back in 2022, we create the “Fuck-it Bucket”. As much as I despise that word, it was the only phrase that I could think of to accurately describe not putting things off until later. People always commented on all of our travels the past few years - 7 countries in 10 days cruise and land exploring adventure, our sudden trip to London in 2025, our 2 Traventures with friends driving Rt 66 and through the Heartland hitting 8 states in 9 days and all the camping. When a travel opportunity arises now, Bruce and I just look at each other and smile, “Fuck-it Bucket Baby”. We have decided to live our life now and stop waiting for the perfect time. 

There will never be enough time. 

There will never be enough money. 

You are never guaranteed your health. 

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 There was one National Park campground that we planned the entire trip around. It was the furthest point west that we would be traveling, Watchman Campground in Zion National Park. It is notoriously difficult to get an electric site. It was like getting concert tickets. I had done my research prior and discovered loop B would be the best for our size of trailer and need of electricity. At 10 a.m. (EST) December 9th, I was on the website inputting information and hitting the refresh button. I got the site and the planning of the trip would move forward. Over the next 4 months, I worked the map forward and backwards to finalize our route and make our overnight reservations. We had 16 reservations in total and 1 overnight spot that we actually planned while on the road. We would be staying in… 

                     5 - Harvest Host locations  - Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Kansas

                        Harvest Hosts - a membership program that allows self-contained RVers to stay                                      overnight for free at thousands of unique locations, such as wineries, farms, breweries,                          museums, and golf courses. 

                     5 State Parks - Colorado, Kansas, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio 

                     2 Resort Campgrounds - Utah, Missouri 

                     3 National Park Campgrounds - Utah, Colorado 

                     2 Private Campgrounds - Arizona, Utah 

 We spent the spring preparing for the trip and making updates to the travel trailer for our month-long journey. Bruce added additional brake lights higher up on the back of the trailer. We made the big purchase of a lithium battery to replace the lead acid battery currently on the trailer along with a converter that would work with the lithium battery. Our battery worked fine, but the lead acid batteries last about 5 years and it was on year number 5th. As for the converter, it holds the energy that we receive through our solar panel on the trailer. We did a lot of research on this and it worked better than I ever expected. We never ran out of power, we never even ran low thanks to sunny days. In preparation, we also had the travel tires and brakes checked and greased. An expense we had not planned for was putting four new tires on Bruce's truck the week before we left since we would be putting almost 5,000 miles on our trek across the country. In the end it was a great thing, that story comes later.Then we picked up a few odds and ends for use inside the trailer. We realized that we had never cooked inside the camper. We were surprised until we went to grab a pan on our “shake down” camping trip and realized we didn’t have a skillet. So we made a few kitchen purchases to make food preparation in the camper a bit easier. We bought a a few pots and pans, a toaster, and an air fryer (which replaced our house airfryer on our return). It was a rainy day in spring when we finished up all the updates and maintenance about 3 weeks before our trip. 

 I found us and our dog, Kenobi, several adventures along the journey. One of them was biking through Zion National Park. Well, best plans laid shattered and then you have to move forward. First the sadness. We went to Lincoln, Nebraska to visit Christina over Mother's Day weekend and I promptly tripped in a hole at a local park. Yada yada yada - broke my arm in two places two weeks before we left for our trip. Yada yada yada - After returning to Ohio I went to Cleveland Clinic and was told they don’t cast the arm for my location of breakage. Yay there was no cast!! But that also meant there was no bike riding, possibly for the full summer. Bummer. I took some time to wallow for my sad self, but was more thankful that I didn't have a cast and I could still go off-roading, another adventure I had planned. The pain after the first week was only occasional but per doctor’s orders I couldn't lift more than a pound until it was halfway through the trip on June 12th. This could make the trip a little more challenging and add more to Bruce’s (who was doing all the driving) plate. Forever the optimist, Samantha had some great advice for me. “ You can still lift a glass of wine because it was less than a pound.” As life has it, the week before my trip, hospice notified us that mom had about 48 hours left on earth. Bruce and I drove to Erie for our final goodbyes one week before we were pulling out on our journey. She recognized me and after an agitated session she lost consciousness as I held her hand. We stayed for the remainder of the day and I was able to say my goodbyes alone with her. I had some time with my sister too. My sister said mom was agitated and calling out all night the next night but never truly regained consciousness after I visited. It had been a long 9 months but we were hoping that she would find peace and a restful passing. 

 When talking to mom about our trip over the past year; she was very excited that we were taking this adventure - just Bruce and I. We had some great conversations the last couple months with several of them saying how proud she was of the great mom and a wonderful wife I am. She was so proud of the marriage Bruce and I created and how we make time for each other and do our best to put each other’s wants above our own. These are words that meant so much to me. Mom told me she always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, every time we talked about the trip. I thought I could take some of her ashes with me to spread at the Grand Canyon and finally “get her there”. Well, 48 hours turned into 144 hours. There was not a chance “she” could make the trip. In fact her passing on Wednesday set the viewing for Saturday afternoon, the afternoon of the morning we were leaving. 

We thought about it every which way we could to make it work. We were driving 5,000 miles over 24 days and had 16 paid reservations, 4 campgrounds which sold out 6 months prior. The funeral was 2 hours east of us and our first reservation was 4 hours west of us. Even if we skipped the first stop, we could not drive long or fast enough to catch up to our trip. My feelings were all over the map and we ebbed back and forth and couldn’t find a way to make it work. I continued to remember the past July, the last time she really lit into me. It was the day of my sister’s certain, but unconfirmed diagnosis that mom was still unaware of and my wedding anniversary weekend. We were not attending my niece’s wedding celebration picnic for her friends and family who were unable to attend her destination wedding 3 months prior. “You need to show up and be a part of this family or everyone is going to forget who you are.” Just like a mom to know your most vulnerable point to stab at your heart. It has taken me a long time to get there, but I don’t often have guilt. But guilt was a big part of my inner conflict on attending her viewing. Should I cancel the entirety of our trip so I can “show up” or do I take this trip mom was so excited for us to take? My sisters and I decided, months earlier, we would do an internment and a celebration memorial later in the summer when my sister Shawn would be done with chemo and could attend. Still my feelings ebbed and flowed over not being at her viewing. I knew she wanted me to go on the trip but I was never certain on the feelings of the rest of our family. This made the beginning of our trip somber but not sad. I was so thankful that my two older children were able to attend and represent me at her viewing. 

So at 10:10 a.m. on Saturday, May 30th with mixed emotions of excitement and sadness, we were on the road for our epic trip.