The 2 Year Annivesary

 It was 2 years ago in April of 2022 that I knew something was different and wrong.  It was spring time, a usually happy time for me, but I felt miserable and each day continued my downward spiral.  What was deemed as a pulled muscle four month later was diagnosed as frozen shoulder in both shoulders.  I thought it was the constant pain that was wearing me down physically and mentally.  Maybe that is how it began, dealing with the pain, but it became so much more including aggressive fatigue, memory loss and extreme confusion that continued after the pain ceased 6 months after it’s onset.  The fatigue, memory loss and cognitive confusion continued beyond the year and a half of  my shoulder physical therapy.  It was my new normal.

My life looks vastly different than it did 2 years ago at this time.  The pain has subsided and I have regained 95% of mobility in my shoulders.  I have accepted my “new normal” and have found a rhythm to my day.  I wake early and complete cognitive tasks, responding to emails, complete paperwork and write when I can, first thing while my synapses are still firing.  Simple things such as planning a garden grow chart has to be done with in the first two hours of the day or the time is just wasted and my notes are unintelligible.  GPS is an aid that I use every time I in my car even to familiar locations.  I never know when my mind will decide to reboot and go into sleep mode for the process.

I have regained my confidence that I had lost among the uncertainty of the past two years.  I have acknowledged my loss of independence, employment and my life how it was before 2 years ago.  I still have some sadness when I reflect back at the losses, but I can now see my life before me.  I can laugh at the ridiculousness of it all from needing my husband to get a drinking glass from the cupboard because I couldn’t reach, to him telling me our address for a form I needed to complete.  He was my rock!!  I can now reach those glasses and am no longer frustrated and embarrassed when I don’t remember my house numbers, phone numbers or passwords.  Numbers and I have agreed to be friendly but we are not friends.  One of my biggest hurdles that I still am coming to terms with is my reading.  I used to love to read, but my reading comprehension doesn’t last much beyond a page.  Welcome audiobooks!!

The last two years have opened mine and my husband’s eyes to how quickly things can change.  If you are  unwilling to be fluid and shift and adjust to the tide, continuous waves will come down upon you until it eventually drags your exhausted body out to sea and you need to tread water until you are strong enough to swim to shore.  My soul fought the fight for a long time until it exhausted me in spirit and body.

Two years later, I can say I survived.  Regarding my health, I am on solid round.  I have now added a small cocktail of various pills and vitamins to my routine to give me the boost my body needs.  I have discovered new “Laura Ingalls’ hobbies” as my friend calls them, such as sewing, stitching, making dry mixes for my pantry and soon gardening which gives my day’s purpose.  I have come to enjoy my “tea time” when I sit down with a cup of tea after my morning routine of “cognitive” chores.  I no longer feel like I need to fill every moment with activity or I am wasting my life. I am no longer embarrassed to use my walking sticks when I need a little extra stability or park in a handicap space when I need it.  Still a planner - the term”someday” is now or within the next 12 months.  Our big European trip is in less than 2 weeks.  We bought a travel trailer and have plans to visit various places including Tennessee, New York and various places in Ohio in the next 5 months.  In January, I am planning a couple’s trip for my sister, her husband and Bruce and I.  I have wanted to do a couples sibling trip for a long time and the time is now, well actually January.

Life is different than it was in 2022, but it is good…great in fact.  I am just sorry it took me so long mentally to get on board.  Life is a journey and I had to make my way on the path to get here and discover the beauty of my new surroundings.